This tip calls for your personal courage! Although it may not be easy but it will literally transform your life and liberate your soul! It may not be possible to do it on a daily basis, so do it as often as possible.
Think of someone who wronged you and against whom you still hold grudges. For the first few attempts choose someone who has mildly wronged you. You’re definitely tempted to hold on to your anger, frustration, and maybe revenge. But you will try something different this time: take a deep breath, and let it all out. Do this a few times until your muscles give away stress and start to relax. When you feel fully relaxed, think of the person who wronged you, visualize him/her, and acknowledge the damage they’ve already done to you. The damage is already done; no one can reverse it. It happened and is no longer happening again. You suffered and had the right to feel so.
Now the damage is done and you’ve acknowledged that. Visualize yourself departing the scene of that bad experience and watch it from a distance. You can see it happen, all it’s details, but you’re still watching from a distance. Watch it again and again but from a distance…you’re no longer part of it! You’re just watching a movie; you’re safe a distant. You’re watching a fictitious event, and no one is really hurt. You’re safe and distant, you’re immune to that distant event as you watch it take place. It’s not a nice scene to watch, but you’re safe and distant from it.
Now look at the person who wronged the other, in that distant scene. Maybe he had a reason to behave this way. Maybe he was so hurt by another and blinded by that hurt so he was out of his mind. Remember, only hurt people hurt people! Maybe they lost a loved one or had just undergone a calamity and lashed out! Squeeze your brain to find a possibility that might be the reason for this person to do what he/she did! It’s not easy but possible.
Now search in your personal history for an event where you wronged someone or hurt someone! We all had such moments, and I think you regret your mistake!
Think of an incident where you hurt someone and felt bad for it, but that person forgave you. You needed to be forgive, to wash away the guilt and you were granted that gift! How did you feel after being forgiven? Relieved….free again? You badly needed to be forgiven, and so does the person who wronged you! Transcend your limitations and your pain and grant him/her that gift. This very act will set you free and invigorate your spirit.
If you manage to do all the above, write a forgiveness statement. Write it down only if it’s genuine! If it’s possible to hand a card or letter to that person with your forgiveness statement on it, that would be great. If it’s not possible still, show it to someone close to you who would appreciate your act of forgiveness and encourage you.
Repeat this act of forgiveness for the next few days until you’re totally in peace with it and feel you’ve gotten completely over it. Feel yourself expand and grow with this great achievement; you’ve indeed grown your courage!
This exercise may not be easy and if you are unable to complete all the steps in the first attempts, don’t worry. But keep trying. There’s a locus for forgiveness in every heart but it may take time to tap into it.
The more forgiveness you bring into your life the more freedom and growth you’ll experience, and the happier you become!
Remember, Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said: ((the person who forgives, Allah will increase him in honour and dignity)).